Blaming your farts on me, not funny, not funny at all.
Yelling at me for barking... I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT!!
How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're
gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat-butt?
Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this
anyhow?
Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it
Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite
mastered that handshake thing ... idiot!
How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just
jealous.
Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile!
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when
you're not home.
When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule
that puts me?
The sleight of hand, fake fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the
top of the food chain, you nitwit!
Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every
time we go back.